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1. The person may place sunglasses on the back of their head.
Moths may be terrible birds, but they certainly know how to be the most terrifying creatures on planet Earth.
Not only because they are hideously ugly, BUT BECAUSE THEY HAVE REGULAR EYEBALLS and then they have WINGS WITH EYEBALLS TO CONFUSE PREDATORS. Whilst I hate moths and think they are an evolutionary mistake - you can’t deny moth science is PRETTY ADVANCED.
This is the same tactic Paintballers probably use to deflect enemy fire, to confuse and to conquer. So if you see someone with this excellent fashion accessory, congratulate them on being one step closer toward morphing into the NOBLE MOTH. And ask them for a game of paintball.
2. Not sure if someone’s a paintballer? Break into their house and investigate their browser history for clues.
Don’t just ask them straight out ‘Hello, do you enjoy paintball?’ That is super nosey and weird. Instead, when you know they’re DEFINITELY NOT HOME - break
in and check what’s up on their internet history!Like a true detective - you put together the clues. Hours out of every day spent finding the perfect
paintballing cleats online. Then when you know for sure that they’re a paintballer, invite them to your tri-weekly paintball squad skype meeting.
3. They submit their taxes on time every year.
You are also a paintballer, so therefore you are INCREDIBLY GOOD AT TAXES. A true paintballer NEVER asks what a tax is because they are so intelligent and excellent.
Wow look at that graph! Now THAT is a tax my friends. If someone is good at taxes you can be sure they are:
- A law abiding citizen (like a paintballer).
- An accountant.
- A paintballer.
4. They tell you they like paintball.
Ok tread carefully here. TRIPLE CHECK THEY SAID PAINTBALL AND NOT MUSIC HALL OR COMPLAINT STALL.
Now, you don’t want to scare off a potential squad member. So politely probe them about their entire life.
Safe, non-desperate, lifestyle questions might sound a little like:
- Do you think paintball will be affected by the likes of global warming?
- What are some tips for paintball, also are you good at doing your taxes?
- Where did you grow up? Do you like paintball?
5. They live in a blimp mysteriously located in the sky directly above Spec Ops. (46 Kelvin Grove Road, Red Hill)
Nothing says ‘PaintBALLER’ quite like a blimp palace. A prime location, decadent views.
Yes, the blimp looks like a butt. But you’re not going to be rude because the likes of you doesn’t get to hang out at a blimp mansion every day with a paintballin’ King/Queen.
Also - this blimp and Spec Ops - are located less than a two minute drive from the CBD, Spec Ops REALLY is the first choice for a fun day out with friends on any occasion.